My last day

I write about a simple life, not taking things for granted or waiting to tell someone you love them.  I knew what I wanted to write today, I wanted to write about the myths concerning this month as being the end of our lifetimes as we know it.   I almost shelved the whole idea since yesterday, but have decided I will simply modify what I was going to write and send it out there to the world.  So this post is more for me to work through the feelings I am having.

Yesterday, I heard the horrible news about the children and adults who were killed in their elementary school, such a senseless despicable act and such a horrible time of year to have to go through a loss, especially one so violent.

I have lost 3 relatives between Thanksgiving and Christmas in various years.  One year my family suffered a loss in each month between September and January.  But none of them were of the magnitude of this weeks’ loss.  I know people who have lost children, but due to an illness, one they at least knew was coming. I can’t imagine the pain these families are living right now, my losses will never compare to this kind of pain.

My grand daughter called last night and asked if she could spend the night with me. How could I say no.  I try to never be too busy for those I love.  When she spends the night she thinks it’s a treat to share my bed.  After she was asleep, I wrapped my arms softly around her and sent out a silent prayer that she will never have to suffer or witness something so horrible in her young life.

What I had planned to write today was a short post menti0ning the things I would do if I knew this was my last day on earth.  So with that in mind, I am going to list those things so I never forget.

  • Spend time with loved ones, but actually tell them how much I love them and why, by telling them what exactly makes them unique.
  • Head out into the cold and remove my shoes to run my toes through the frosted grass to remember how it felt.
  • Smile at everyone I encounter
  • Smile at the geese who wake me in the morning as they fly overhead.
  • Call a good friend I haven’t seen in a while
  • End the day with a book, a cup of tea and silence

Today I did all those things.  I was woken by the little one who pulled the curtains next to the bed open and started to list all the animals she saw in the field.  Then we went outside to run our fingers and toes through the frosted grass then filled the bird feeders to ensure we weren’t the only ones today who would have a good meal.  We smiled as we watched the geese flying overhead and called out to them trying to imitate their sounds.  I called my friend, and had a nice conversation.  Tonight, I’m going to curl up with a cup of tea and rather than a book I have a cross stitch I want to add a little more too.

Life can be simple.  Life can be complicated.  Life can be lived at a speed we didn’t know existed.  But I need to try to remember to say I love you each and every day.  I need to remember to live each day as if it were my last so I will never have any regrets.

Finally, if any one reading this has had a loss this month, or any year during the holidays, not just this week, please know my thoughts are with you and feel free to leave a comment if you need someone to talk to.  I will be there for anyone who needs an ear.

 

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16 thoughts on “My last day

  1. Beautifully, written Lois! You don’t know this, but my (shorter than I had intended) break from the digital world was due to a rather upsetting loss, of former student, still a child…

    The unpredictability of life is difficult to accept–We always want to feel prepared, but the reality is that storms can come out of nowhere.

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    1. Thank you Jackie, it’s hard for me to fathom this shooting. I hear people talking about mental health issues, but I keep coming back to the fact that he had no problem driving (without drawing attention to himself) that he had some knowledge of what he was doing.

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  2. I lost my husband and my only child years apart but both during the Christmas
    season. I have mixed feelings this time of the year. I love Christmas and the
    beauty of this time of the year. I am always somewhat lonely and sad. I have
    only a brother still living. You are so right take every opportunity to tell those you
    love.
    I, too, feel the horror and outrage at the deaths of so many. The families will
    never be the same. They will never agaun see life the way they did before
    this happened. I hope and pray that God will hold all these good people
    close and that they may find some comfort .

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    1. I am so sorry for you loss, Mary. I can’t imagine how hard it is for you each Christmas. I don’t think I will be able to be online Christmas, but will be back on Dec 26th if you need to talk to someone.

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  3. With all of the coverage of this horrific event, the piece that stands out for me is Diane Sawyer’s interview with one of the teachers:

    http://abcnews.go.com/WNT/video/connecticut-shooting-teacher-kaitlin-roig-protected-students-17978970

    I just keep thinking that here’s this young woman, who is pretty sure that she and all of the kids in her class are about to be killed, and what’s in her mind is making sure that the last thing these children experience is being told that it’s OK, and that they are loved. Not sure why, but it just breaks me up – perhaps it’s because a sense of everything being OK was so lacking in my own childhood.

    You granddaughter is so lucky to have her. You’ve filled her with so much love, she’ll be able to take it with her for her entire life. Reminds me of a song by Tish Hinojosa – another of my favorite songwriters. It’s a song about her grandmother, and there’s a line that goes “Always, always, Abuelita (Grandma in spanish) all my life I’ll be full of love I won’t forget that you have given me.”

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    1. Not sure if I should thank you for the link and your kind words this time as both brought tears to my eyes. After a while I quit reading or watching any of the coverage as I was just overwhelmed by the sadness. This interview with the teacher was heartbreaking. She used amazing strength for her students and I hope each and every one of them will remember what she did. Knowing that even when the police put their badges under the door, she still would not open the door out of fear for their safety is quite amazing. Knowing that the children needed to hear they were loved, in case it was the last thing they ever heard was almost too much to hear for me. I think for me as well, I was moved by this interview because there was no one in my life for a period of years who could tell me I was loved and would be okay.

      I am truly blessed by the family I have and I don’t let myself forget for even one moment each and every day. While I was never supposed to be able to have children, or live this long I can’t believe my fortune to have what I do have.

      Thanks CatLady for sharing, even if it did bring me to tears again.

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    1. That is true, unfortunately for many this event will soon be forgotten and life will again start to be lived as usual. It’s true of any horrific event, Oklahoma City, 9/11, and for me even as far back as Vietnam. I was able to push the images from Vietnam aside until I got the call that my son was heading to war then it all came back so fresh. I always hope the feelings awakened in a tragedy will last for everyone to be a little kinder, or to watch out for each other, but it always seems to fade in time.

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